I found this My Virtual Model site a few weeks ago, and I made three “models” of myself: One at my then-current weight, one at my 10% goal weight and one at my ultimate goal weight. I’m going to try to update it once a month and put it on here. Not terribly exciting for you guys, I know, but I’m trying to get some motivation over here.

I haven’t had a terribly successful week, diet-wise (I mean, “lifestyle”-wise. Sorry, Weight Watchers!). I had all of our dinners planned out, but we ended up tossing the menu aside and eating out three times. Not good for the waistline or for the budget. And my exercise plan went by the wayside, too. I woke up every morning this week with a head full of cold-related unpleasantness (I’ll spare you the details), and I just couldn’t make myself go down to the gym and run.

But I still lost 1.5 pounds this week. I’ll take it.

Right now I’m working on this week’s menu, and I’ve pushed all of the upcoming dates on the running schedule back a week. Hopefully I’ll have clear sinuses come Monday and I’ll be back down there on the treadmill.

NOTE: Amy would like it to be known that her second comment on this post was meant to go on the one about Poppy’s diet.

Having Poppy around has changed the way I view myself.

There was a time when getting dressed every morning was a struggle. Even after I lost 40 pounds, nothing fit — or nothing fit the way I wanted it to fit. There were days I wanted to call in sick simply because everything I tried on touched me.

Now, even after gaining most of my 40 pounds back, those days are rare. Most days I just toss something on, and Poppy and I go on about our day.

I’m not sure what it is about having her here that has changed things. It might just be that she needs me, and I don’t have time for drama at the closet doors. Maybe it’s her hugs. It’s hard to feel sorry for yourself with 28 pounds of precious wrapped around you.

That being said, I know I still need to lose weight. I’ve started Weight Watchers again, and I’ve been trying to work out regularly.

The first time I joined Weight Watchers, it was because someone asked me when the baby was due. And there was no baby in the works! That was awkward! And embarassing!

So I joined Weight Watchers.

I was shocked at how much I weighed. Growing up, I don’t remember there being a scale in the house. I always suspected I was heavy. In retrospect I think that may have been a little skewed by having a step-sister who cried in the tenth grade when she crested 100 pounds.

By the time I joined Weight Watchers, I was definitely quite overweight. I haven’t reached that number again, but the weight has steadily crept back on. And sure, there are a few things I can blame for that. But I’m not going to pin this one on depression or baby weight or stress. If I do that, I’m likely not to change anything.

And I need to change something.

I want Poppy to be healthy. I want her to be confidant. And she has to learn those things from me.