My appointment with the allergy specialist was today. They poked me in the back with 73 tiny needles and then in the arm with 23 small needles. The 23 needles were worse than the 73. They were both less painful than, say, stubbing your toe or stepping barefooted on a Lego, though, so it wasn’t so bad.

The places where they stuck me would, the nurse said, become itchy if there was an allergy to whatever allergen she’d stuck in that spot. I had to wait 15 minutes, and during that 15 minutes there was one little spot on my left side that got really itchy and a large patch in the middle of my back that oh gracious what I wouldn’t have done for a corn cob back scratcher.

The nurse came back and basically said, “Holy guacamole! You’re more allergic to dust mites than anyone else in the entire world. Oh, and hickory trees, too! You’re off the charts!” Which is nice, I guess, unless the charts are the Allergy Charts, in which case: Not so much.

So, yeah. I’m allergic to dust mites and hickory trees. And, to a lesser extent, grass and red maples. While they didn’t suggest that bubble helmet, they did say the next step would be to get a series of allergy shots lasting roughly forever.*

I know forever is a rather long while, but if it makes it so I can breathe? Worth it.

*Also: Change the bedsheets and vacuum more often. And get a special mite-proof cover for the mattress and pillows.