So. That 30 Days of Truth thing. I totally forgot that I was doing it. But then earlier this week I remembered, so I thought I’d jump back on the bandwagon. Speaking of getting back on the wagon, it segues nicely into today’s topic:
Something for which you need to forgive yourself
Quite a number of years ago, in the Before Children days, I joined Weight Watchers and lost 40 pounds. And then I gained it all back again. It wasn’t baby weight, either. I gained some of it back before Poppy was born, and I gained the rest of it back after Pete. Yeah, that’s right. I gained weight after pregnancy. I beat myself up for that a lot.
Anyway, I rejoined Weight Watchers a few weeks ago, and I was, to the half-pound, at exactly the same weight as I was when I started the first time. I need to let go of that anger over gaining it all back again, I think, before I’m going to be able to make a whole lot of progress this time. (Also, I should probably exercise or something.)
This week’s “30 Days of Truth” post was tough for me. Coming up with fodder for a whiny, stuff-I-don’t-like post was easy-peasy. This one, though, took some thought:
Something you love about yourself
So I sat down at the computer while the kids and their sad little colds watched “Dinosaur Train” earlier this week, and I thought. And then I folded some laundry. And then I washed the sides of the dishwasher. And then I went back to the computer and stared at the “edit post” box some more. Then I checked Facebook and Twitter, took the kids’ temperatures and refilled their waters, and told the less-sick kid (again) why she couldn’t go out to play in the snow. And then I decided to stop stalling and write the post already.
And here’s what I came up with:
I love that I can make my kids laugh. There is little better than hearing your children guffaw at your lame joke or your goofy dancing. (Unless, of course, you were sincerely trying to dance. Then it would just be demoralizing.)
I love that I’m not afraid to take on a challenge in the kitchen. I like to cook, and I like all sorts of different cuisines. Once I discovered that most of them just took a specific set of ingredients, I was ready to tackle them on my own. So what if I still can’t make a decent pad Thai? At least I’ve tried. (Repeatedly.)
I love that I’m still my husband’s best friend. We were friends for a long time before we were “an item,” and that friendship is still the bedrock of our relationship.
I’m also rather fond of my ability to make a delicious cup of hot chocolate, which is what I’m going to do in just a few minutes. What do you love about yourself?
I tried to use my Google fu to find out when and where this “30 days of truth” thing originated, but the eye-twitching, nauseous-making headache that’s taken up residence in my skull has stolen away all of my skills. Anyway, whomever came up with it was not messing around. Today we’re getting straight into Unpleasant Stuff territory with the very first prompt. Which is:
Something you hate about yourself.
But I’m not going to answer it. Not quite as it’s written, anyway. I struggle with self-image, and I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. One of the tactics I’m using is to try to stop when I’m thinking unkind thoughts about myself and ask, “Would you say that about a friend?” I can’t think of a time when the answer has been, “Why yes, I would.” The point is: I believe that some words carry a lot of power, and “hate” is one of them. It’s a really negative word and an extremely negative emotion, and it isn’t a term that I’d use in describing someone I love. So let’s try to make this a little more positive and talk about something about myself that I’d like to improve, shall we?
I’d like to be a person with a steel will. I wish I could say “This is how things are going to be” and then make it so. Instead, I decide to lose weight and do really well with it for a week or so. And then there’s cake and cheese and cheesecake and such, and all that resolve goes out the window. I decide we’re going to ban eating in the living room, and for a few days the couch is free of crumbs. And then I get a headache and the kids are extra whiney and there they are, leaving a trail of crackers from here to eternity again. I decide enough’s enough, we’re going to cancel the TV and the internet and eat on $55 a week until all of our debts paid off. And then sports and new shows and email and mmm food, and there goes that plan, too.
I’m not sure whether this all boils down to laziness or being too easily overwhelmed or a short attention span or what, but it’s not my favorite character trait. I could give you a rather long list of other things I don’t like, but remember what I said up there about trying to be nicer to myself? That probably means I shouldn’t dwell on that sort of thing.
So. That 30 Days of Truth thing. I totally forgot that I was doing it. But then earlier this week I remembered, so I thought I’d jump back on the bandwagon. Speaking of getting back on the wagon, it segues nicely into today’s topic:
