My sister-in-law homeschools her children, and witnessing their experiences has me convinced that homeschooling is the way to go for us, too. Her kids are extremely bright, and they’re thriving and learning at home in a way that I don’t think would be possible for them in a traditional school setting.
When my dad learned that we’re planning to homeschool Poppy and Pete, though, he was concerned. “How will they learn to socialize?” he asked. “They need to have friends!”
I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that, other than to tell him that they will have friends. There are many co-ops and homeschool groups out there, and the kids will have “extracurricular” activities, too, like music lessons and sports. (Poppy loves her Music Together class, and she’s showing a propensity for soccer.)
I’m pretty sure Dad wasn’t convinced.
Fortunately for me, Rachel Gathercole wrote a book that explains precisely what I was trying to say. “The Well-Adjusted Child: The Social Benefit of Homeschooling
Many homeschooling parents “want to teach their children what they consider to be healthy social skills,” Gathercole writes, “rather than send them to learn whatever skills they might happen to learn from their peers.” (Exactly!)
Quite a few parents and homeschooled children also contributed their stories and opinions to the book. A few of their comments stood out to me.
At each age there are things [children] can handle with wisdom and things they cannot. Our public schools inundate children with things they are not equipped to handle. … I believe that our country is assuming that children should be rushed to grow up, and it is hurting them. They are toughening up to it but at a personal cost.
– Janice, homeschooling mother of two
I believe the decay of family unity is at the heart of many of the social problems our culture is facing today. … Peer dependence is the natural outcome of public education because a child has a real and intense need for relationship. When that need for relationship cannot be met by an adult (a teacher who is working with many students), then the child will turn to the only other available person, the peer in the classroom. Consequently, a child comes to value the opinions of his school-age peers more than those of his family because his relationships with his peers are stronger than his relationship with his parents. … Strong family relationships and unity are at the heart of healthy communities — the latter cannot exist in the absence of the former.
– Amy, homeschooling mother of three
[Being homeschooled] was a really comfortable situation, and that led to me being really comfortable with who I am and my choices.
– Madeleine, 20-year-old former homeschool student
I believe that my responsibility as a parent is to help Poppy and Pete to become charitable and responsible adults. And I want them to be able to say that they, too, are comfortable with themselves. My own experience in the public schools tells me that a peer group won’t always promote kindness and responsibility. And, as evidenced by John Hughes’ classic films of the ’80s, public school certainly doesn’t foster comfort in one’s own skin.
So there you are, Dad. If you’re still worried that homeschooling will turn the children into weirdos, pick up Gathercole’s book. She’s done a very nice job compiling evidence that homeschooled kids are by and large well adjusted. Once you’ve finished the book, you can work on resigning yourself to the fact that your grandchildren are going to be a little wacky whether they’re homeschooled or not. You’ve met their parents. There’s no way these kids won’t be goofy.
I saw this on your GoodReads list and was going to ask you if you were considering this. I think this is an excellent choice for you.
I’ve got to read this book. I’m seriously considering homeschooling when the time comes, even though the elementary school is about 75 yards from our house (I’m not kidding). I’ve got family who are strongly critical of homeschooling, and others who strongly support the idea. Good thing we’ve got time to decide!
That was very interesting. But i didn’t need that to know you and Rockford are going to do a wonderful job. I can see that in what you’ve already done.
We have been discussing this. I am torn at this time. I worry that I would not be able to provide as much education as a slew of teachers who have specialized in particular subjects could provide. However, I also worry about what my children will be exposed to if they are in the public system. Like Jeni, I am glad that we have a really long time to make this decision. Good luck with your endeavor!
I’ve got to chime and say I agree with Pops. But the primary point is that it really doesn’t matter what we think. Rockford and you are convinced that this is the way to go and the two of you are great parents. That being said, you and I both know that citing a book isn’t going to convince dad (or myself) of anything. Give me an hour and I’ll find you a book written to convince people that dipping their children in grape jelly at the end of the day will make them taller. When it comes down to it, my views are based on this. I know a rather large amount of people who went to public and private schools, learning in a traditional setting. I know 4 who were home-schooled. 3/4 of those that I know are home-schooled had a very difficult time adjusting when they no longer had their parents to care for them. That percentage isn’t as large for those who learned in a traditional setting. That being said, all four of the home-schooled kids I know have well above average intelligence levels. Further, home-schooling, like any idea with support, has evolved. Perhaps the next generation of home-schooled children will circumvent the socialization/adjustment issue. At any rate, myself (and dad) know this. If any parental unit is equipped to (1) make this decision and (2) follow through with it, it is the two of you.
You’re on the right track with the socialization thing. Honestly, homeschooling is NOT about socialization. It is about education. There are so many things available for social interaction…and so many ways for our children to have age-appropriate interaction, outside of the traditional classroom setting. Be committed to doing the right thing for your children, and do your homework, and you will do a great job.
Laura, mom to 6 kids…who homeschooled for 4 years…
Well, let me just say I’m flattered to have had any part in “convincing” you (& Rockford) about the virtues of home education, or as I like to call it…. selective education – I select everything. 🙂 I know you to be a thoughtful and thorough audience.
There are so many reasons why we chose to homeschool, many of which I’ve shared with you in the past. One specific reason is that we have a vision for our family and our children that extends beyond the boundaries of their education. In that vision, we approach each school year as an extension of the last one and as a prelude to the next one. Our vision is altered or modified from time to time, but it’s a life vision nonetheless. We don’t limit ourselves to “one year at a time”. In so doing, the choices we make are based on knowing what our foundation is, and where we are headed.
After I’d been homeschooling for about two years, someone asked me how long was I going to continue. I knew that I couldn’t do all the advanced work myself, but it had never occurred to us that we wouldn’t just “keep on keeping on”. To anyone considering this choice for their family, I offer the following advice. Pray about it. This is a “life-style” choice, not just an educational preference. If you can’t embrace it, and stand up to a little criticism, this might not be right for you. Your children must see that you are confident about success. And remember, NO ONE knows your children better than you do…. and no one on earth ever will.
Having said all of that, I’ve never actually read the book that Nichole reviewed. So, I guess it’s off to the library for me……
Chloe, homeschooling mom of four
Nichole, I have a good friend who homeschools her children and another who is planning to. Alicia Moore also plans to home school…while I’m not sure that it’s right for my family (mostly because of my own personality), I see a lot of benefits and think that children these days have a lot more opportunities for socialization in homeschooling (co-ops, etc.). There are also some schools that offer specialized subjects for homeschool students — subjects that parents might not feel adequately prepared to teach. I say, Go for it! I think you’ll do a great job!