In another dimension, I’m pretty sure Brook is the lead singer and bassist in an all-girl punk band. They’re wildly popular and famous. When she isn’t tearing up the stage, she’s busy being a good role model for the young ladies who adore her. Like Lady Gaga, only 73 percent less strange.

In this dimension, Brook is an Army wife (to this guy) and a mom (to Gabe). Before her son came along, Brook taught high school math. Her students adored her, so I guess some things are true in any dimension.

Who would star as you in the movie of your life? Who would play your significant other?

Christina Ricci, only 50 pounds heavier (and still lighter than me, probably). All of the critics would praise her for gaining weight for the role, but no one would bother to tell her she looked happier that way. My significant other? Jason Statham maybe.

What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

It was probably parenting advice. But I try to block out the stuff that doesn’t work for us. The only advice I can actually remember is good advice, like when a mentor advised me to be real with my students, or when a co-customer at Starbucks advised me to clean the junk out from under my windshield wipers.

How has becoming a mother changed you?

Oh my. I slept about two hours last night. In spite of the fact that I am also sick, baby-sleep is much more important! On a serious and less whiny note, becoming a mother has opened my eyes to a whole new level of giving, and I’m growing in my understanding that nothing here in this world is mine to keep, not even babies. And that old piece of wisdom that says everyone is somebody’s baby? That makes sense to me now.

What was your first job? How old were you, and how long did you work there? Did you like it?

Isn’t everybody’s first job babysitting? I was strikingly (and possibly illegally?) young when I started watching my little brothers after school. My first real job with a paycheck from which taxes were deducted was at Lots’A’Bagels in Colorado Springs. My first real job with a paycheck that my mom didn’t hire me for (and not including work study or T.A.’ing in college) was teaching high school, which I did for about five and a half years, and which I love. I’m digging SAHM’ing presently, but I miss the high school kids. I know the me that’s pulling her hair out at the end of a hard day thinks that the me right now is crazy.

What’s your favorite sandwich?

Mmmm sandwiches. I’m not very particular about foods. The list of things I actively dislike is shorter than ten items (and includes wintergreen gum, bubblegum-flavored things, chai, and anything from Chili’s, if you’re wondering). But if I had to pick a favorite right now, it would be on Jimmy John’s bread, soft and fresh, with a nice rare roast beef, mayo, shredded lettuce, and tomato. Simple, but amazing. Bread makes the sandwich!

I don’t remember the first time I saw Perry Mason, but I do remember very clearly how I felt when I found out that he was, in fact, a He. I was staying with our neighbors when he was born, and their dad broke the news. “You have a brother!” he said. First, I refused to believe it. And then I was horrified.

We didn’t get along very well when we were growing up — there was the time I put him in the dryer, for example, and he got mad because I wouldn’t let him pad it with towels first; the time he threw a giant metal hairdryer at my head; the time I made him drink soup made entirely of water and a variety of spices; and the time he broke my finger because I wouldn’t let him watch wrasslin’ — but now he’s one of my favorite people in all the world. But don’t tell him I said so.

Who’s your favorite sister? Discuss.

Whoopi Goldberg. She was all that and a bag of chips as Oda Mae Brown.

Where do you envision yourself in 10 years?

Practicing law and hopefully living on some acreage outside of town with a couple of kids and my darling wife, all with less debt than I have today.

When you were a teenager, you insisted that “Armageddon” was the “best movie ever.” Do you stand by that statement?

Why or why not? Also, what was up with that “Teen Wolf” obsession?

You’ve long insisted that I made this insistence, but I think I probably made this statement once and you clung to it. When I was a teenager, every movie I saw was the best movie ever. That said, this bad boy featured Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thornton, The Affleck, Liv Tyler, Steve Buscemi, Owen Wilson, Michael Clarke Duncan, etc. It couldn’t have been as bad as you try to make it out to be. Finally, you’ll never hear a better rendition of “Leavin’ on a Jet Plane.” Buscemi and Duncan need to start a band.

Re: Teen Wolf. We did not have a large collection of VHS tapes. This was one of them. I watched it a lot. And Michael J. Fox turns into a werewolf, and then his dad does too. And then they surf on a van and play basketball.

You find a box stuffed full of hundred dollar bills on the side of the road. What do you do?

I look for identifying information. If I find none, I make an anonymous post on craigslist stating that I found some money on the side of X street and anyone looking for it can e-mail me about it. The first person to identify the correct amount and packaging takes it home. If no one gets it right in the first month, I’d use it to buy a furnace.

What was your first job? How old were you, and how long did you work there? Did you like it?

My first job was as a burger flipper at Mickey D’s. I worked there for about three years, and I loved every minute of it. It just might be my favorite job ever.

What’s your most vivid childhood memory?

Every summer, Dad would drive down from Michigan to pick us up to spend the summer with him. The summer of my 9th or 10th birthday, I’d gone up to the playground at the elementary school near Mom’s house (which is now completely filled with trailers, sad) on the day he was coming to get us. He showed up when I was still at the playground, and he drove up there. And he had my birthday present with him. And it was a mountain bike with bright orange front shocks. I rode it around a little, and then he drove back to moms. He let me ride my bike behind him. It was awesome. (I have a terrible memory, so I might have the timeline wrong here).

And then there was that time you and I were walking home from school and we saw a mouse. You told me not to pick it up because it would bite me. So I picked it up and it bit me. Then you told me I had rabies. I ran home and told mom (through tears) that I had raisons, or razors, or something that started with an “r” but whatever it was called was going to result in my inevitable death. Despite my peaceful urgings, she would not take me to the hospital. I retired to my room to spend my last minutes on earth with my sweet stuffed dog Barney and was surprised when I woke up the next morning still alive. You were such a nice sister.

Chloe is Rockford’s oldest sister. The first time I met her actually was at the Chinese restaurant. Chloe was also intimidating, but in a different way. I jokingly call her Chloe Poppins. She might not actually be “practically perfect in every way,” but she does have her stuff together. Her house is beautifully decorated, and her holiday dinners all look (and taste) like they’re straight out of the pages of Southern Living.

I have learned to love her despite that.

(No, really, she is also very very nice and is thus rather easy to like.)

What was your first job? How old were you, and how long did you work there? Did you like it?

My first job, that wasn’t working for the parents, was probably the summer I worked for Nabil, the creepy Egyptian. He sold perfume oils and knock-off papyrus art. I believe I was 16 that summer, but you should check with Rockford. I have tried to block out most of it. If I had known at the time what “sexual harassment” was, I would have left my post sooner. I think the only reason I didn’t run screaming for the door was the fact that my dad was working next door. There is a very real possibility that I just narrowly escaped being kidnapped to a middle eastern country, to what end we can only imagine.

The following summer was only slightly better. I worked for a month at the local Kmart, but working in a retail store was not for me. I finished out that summer working at the Act I Video store in the same strip-mall. It was much, much less intense — and Rockford was able to tag along and watch videos from time to time.

How did your grandparents meet?

My dad’s parents, Tom and Betty, lived in a town that was roughly a mile long. There were three churches in town, a Methodist, a Presbyterian and a Baptist. In 1938, my grandmother was attending the Methodist Church with her family, but all of her friends were attending the Presbyterian Church (which apparently had a very happening youth group). One of her friends encouraged her to go to the youth group one evening during the summer before her freshman year in high school. She went and met a ton of folks that night, Tom being one of them. He was two and half years older but had just graduated from high school. He was going to college in the fall. She didn’t date him then, but she did go out several times with the boy he eventually roomed with at IU. That only lasted a few months and ended in March ’39, and according to her they were never “going steady.” I mean really, she was a freshman.

She continued to see Tom on and off over the next four years, but it wasn’t until she finished her freshman year at Indiana Central College that they started dating regularly. She took a job at Eli Lilly that summer between her Freshman and Sophomore years, and I guess you could say they were “going steady” by then. They were married in August of 1943, and he finished Dental School in 1944.

What do you envision yourself doing in 10 years?

Thought provoking question. The good news is that I am even thinking I will be doing anything at all. 🙂 Little Pip will be 14 years old, so I will still be teaching High School. (I know that much.) #1 will be 23 years old, so I should have just attended the first successful college graduation of one of my students. Until that happens, I think I will be wondering if I have overlooked any important aspect of their education (in all its many facets).

I can tell you some things I would like to do within the next ten years. I would like to visit the Grand Canyon. I would like to run in (and finish) a half marathon. I’m not quite crazy enough to do a whole marathon. I would like to go back to Maine. I’d like to take a sailboat tour of the Virgin Islands. I would like to have a big Thanksgiving Family Reunion at a huge Mountain House or Lodge … somewhere fun… maybe Lake Tahoe. I would like to write a book, and I would like to finish the afghan project I planned last year.

What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

“Go to Savannah for St. Patrick’s Day.”

Who would star as you in the movie of your life? Who would play your significant other?

Me, maybe Sela Ward. My significant other, Tim Allen.

What’s in your purse right now?

my new iPhone :-), wallet made from recycled plastic, 1 lifesaver, a tide “mini” stick, 1 Benedryl and 4 Sudafed, pictures of the kids, key to Mark’s car, 17 store “cards” keyfobs, two library card tags, one coupon for a boy’s haircut, one bottle of Excedrin Migraine, a comb, a USB Flash Drive, two Sharpies (one pink & one black), two check books,Trident, a Pink Pen, an emergency flashlight, a nail file, my sunglasses, kleenex, two more pens, a Talbot’s coupon, one individual “WetOne”, someone’s homework, my keys and my “to do” list.