“I’ve Been Everywhere” would’ve been a much shorter song if I’d written it.

I was toting my pack along the long dusty Winnemucca road
When along came a semi with a high canvas covered load
If your goin’ to Winnemucca, Mack with me you can ride
And so I climbed into the cab and then I settled down inside
He asked me if I’d seen a road with so much dust and sand
And I said, “Listen! I’ve traveled every road in this here land!”

I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere

I’ve been to:
Reno, Chicago, Fargo, Minnesota, Buffalo, Toronto, Winslow, Sarasota, Wichita, Tulsa, Ottawa, Oklahoma, Tampa, Panama, Mattawa, LaPaloma, Bangor, Baltimore, Salvador, Amarillo, Tocapillo, Barranquilla and Padilla

I’m a Killer
I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere

I’ve been to:
Boston, Charleston, Dayton, Louisiana, Washington, Houston, Kingston, Texarkana, Monterey, Ferriday, Santa Fe, Tallapoosa, Glen Rock, Black Rock, Little Rock, Oskaloosa, Tennessee, Tinnesay, Chicopee, Spirit Lake, Grand Lake, Devil’s Lake, Crater Lake

For Pete’s Sake
I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere

I’ve been to:
Louisville, Nashville, Knoxville, Ombabika, Schefferville, Jacksonville, Waterville, Costa Rica, Pittsfield, Springfield, Bakersfield, Shreveport, Hackensack, Cadillac, Fond du Lac, Davenport, Idaho, Jellico, Argentina, Diamantina, Pasadena, Catalina

See what I mean?
I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere

I’ve been to:
Pittsburgh, Parkersburg, Gravelbourg, Colorado, Ellensburg, Rexburg, Vicksburg, Eldorado, Larimore, Atmore, Haverstraw, Chatanika, Chaska, Nebraska, Alaska, Opelika, Baraboo, Waterloo, Kalamazoo, Kansas City, Sioux City, Cedar City, Dodge City

What a pity
I’ve been everywhere, man
I’ve been everywhere, man
Crossed the deserts bare, man
I’ve breathed the mountain air, man
Of travel I’ve had my share, man
I’ve been everywhere

I’ve been everywhere.

That guy who said necessity is the mother of invention? Not in my house, fella. Around these parts, laziness leads to innovation.

A year or so ago, Poppy woke up screaming around 1am. It wasn’t her usual “I’d like to get up and play” scream. She meant business. I stumbled out of bed and into her room, where I discovered one distraught little girl and a whole lot of vomit. I cleaned her up and calmed her down while Rockford changed the sheets.

About half an hour later, she screamed again.

We spent the rest of the night cuddling in the bathroom floor, administering Pedialyte and holding little Pi over the potty every few minutes. It was not a fun evening.

But there was a silver lining! Ever since that late-night sheet-changing fest, I’ve double-sheeted the beds. (The kids’ beds, not ours. Although that would save a full-on sheet change every now and then, wouldn’t it? Hmm …). Pete’s crib, for example, has several layers: the mattress, a mattress pad, a sheet, a sturdy piece of cloth, another sheet. This came in handy a few days ago when he had a major case of the spit-ups during his nap. All I had to do was pull the nasty sheet off and viola! Clean sheets!

If I were on top of things, I would have put another fresh sheet on top as soon as I had the chance. I’m taking baby steps toward efficiency, though, so that hasn’t yet happened. Maybe I should go do that right now.

OK, so there aren’t really 2,007 questions. They’re questions about 2007! It’s The All & Sundry Annual Year-End Meme Thing! Woo-ha!

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