Three days ago I tripped on my purse getting out of the car and landed on my face in the yard.

Two days ago we drove the kids over to Dollywood. Two days ago, Dollywood was not open.

Yesterday the kids and I went to the mall, and they wanted to say hello to Santa. There wasn’t a line, so I said, “Sure, kids! Let’s go see Santa!” And because there was no line, I decided to step over the border instead of taking the long way ’round. A great, lazy plan right up until my foot got caught on the chain and I nearly took down Santa’s village.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but that little incident was nothing.

A few hours after I humiliated myself in front of Santa, his elves and dozens of festive shoppers, we decided to go Olive Garden for dinner. We sat down and ordered, we enjoyed some salad and bread sticks and Rockford was in the middle of telling me a story about some work-thing. I was paying attention, I promise, but the events that followed have swept exactly what it was he was talking about from my mind.

I picked up my glass. I took a sip of water. And then I couldn’t breathe. I must’ve been making a horrific noise, because the restaurant went silent and a nearby waiter was suddenly giving me the Heimlich maneuver.

Yeah, that’s right. I nearly drowned on a sip of water in the middle of a very busy Olive Garden.

Silver Lining: Now I have an answer to the question, “What is your most embarrassing moment?”