1. Today, it was time to clean the litter box. Although in truth, it was time to clean the litter box on Monday, which made it 1,000 times worse today. Or possibly only a little bit worse. Either way, it was today’s first Disgusting Thing.
2. The washing machine has been smelling odd lately. It isn’t one of those fancy front-loaders with their fancy mold smells, though. It’s a very old washing machine that came with the house. It probably isn’t older than me, but I’m guessing I was still watching “Strawberry Shortcake” when it came off the line. (And now I’m watching “Strawberry Shortcake” again! The circle of life!) So anyway I thought I’d try to clean it by running it with a bunch of vinegar in it. Before I started it, though, I removed the heavy-duty agitator (this kind, not this kind), and by the hammer of Thor, it was disgusting. I soaked the agitator in bleach, which cleaned it up pretty nicely. The vinegar didn’t do all that much for the funk in the drum (coincidentally, also the name of my new jazz fusion album, which drops next Thorsday), so I had to scrub it out.
3. “There’s something crunchy in my chicken,” said my child as he ate his chicken nuggets for lunch. “I think it’s a chicken beak.”
4. “Mama, Marsha threw up again!” said my other child as she tried to go downstairs but was stymied by a cat and her vomit. “And now she’s eating it!”

And friends, it is not even 3pm yet. That’s enough gross for today, Universe! Thank you!