Dear Lady at the Gym,
I know it’s an uncomfortable feeling, going to the gym when you’re overweight. The only thing that might make it more uncomfortable is going to the gym in a swimsuit. I know this because I’m overweight, and I was going to the pool to swim laps in my brand-new swimsuit, which does not have any sort of ruffle or skirt or anything to hide the fact that I’m shaped like an Oompa-Loompa a manatee.* And there you were, walking laps and wearing a dress. What I’m saying here is this: I understand that you might have felt insecure about being in the pool. However. Wearing a dress in the pool is definitely not the way to avoid drawing attention to oneself.
Sincerely,
Nichole
Dear Dress Lady’s Son,
Stop flopping yourself through the swim lanes, and please for the love of Peter Tork stop the falsetto hymn singing. I know it’s echoey in the pool area, and I suppose you might feel a certain thrill at hearing your ululation bounce around the room. But you’re reaching an Errol Morris level of creepitude.
Sincerely,
Nichole
*A Google Image search tells me that Oompa-Loompas are not as rotund as their name might suggest.
Those of you who’ve been hanging around here for awhile may recognize the newest addition to our household. Marsha T. Cat came to us about 7 years ago from an animal rescue place. She was an odd little kitten who liked to put waterdish-moistened tissues in her food and was frightened of the dryer (until she licked it and made friends). Then we moved into an apartment that didn’t allow pets, and Marsha went to live with my stepmother. And there she stayed until this week, when we readopted her.