I’m afraid an airplane will crash into my house.
I’m afraid I’ll look out the window at night and see someone staring back at me.
I’m afraid a sinkhole will open under my feet.
I’m afraid a snake will slither over my foot while I’m driving.
And those are just my irrational fears. Which let’s be honest aren’t really all even out of the realm of possibility. Is there any such thing as an irrational fear? Airplanes crash into houses. Creeps are everywhere. A sinkhole opened in a parking lot across the street from my house last month. My mother-in-law found a snake in her car a few years ago. These things happen.
But what are the chances they’ll happen to me, and why do I spend so much time worrying about them? Sometimes I think I’m taking a Bob Wiley approach to life: “If I fake it, then I don’t have it.” That’s not healthy. I know that. But I can’t stop myself. I think it comes from reading too much John Irving in my formative years.
(Mamas, don’t let your babies grow up to be paranoid. Don’t let ’em read Irving, Dean Koontz or Stephen King. Make ’em read Austen and Alcott and such.)
So what if any airplane does crash into my house? Probably instant death, if I’m home. Otherwise it’s just a big mess and we lose most of our stuff and we don’t have a house and I spend a good long time talking to insurance people.
And what if I do look out the window at night and see someone staring back at me? I wet my pants and call 911 and get a serious security system and a large angry dog and maybe some firepower. (All of which I already have, creeps, so don’t even think about trying anything.)
If a sinkhole opens under my feet? I go underground and hope for the best, I guess.
And if a snake drives over my foot while I’m driving? I panic. I try to pull over to a safe place. I jump out of the car and panic some more until someone braver than I stops and gets the snake out of my car.
The more I think about it, the more it seems that what I’m afraid of isn’t really seeing a huge metal cylinder barreling toward me or a malevolent gaze peering in when I least expect it. It isn’t really the shock of once-solid ground crumbling away or the slithering wild where it ought not be.
I’m afraid of chaos. I’m afraid of not being in control. I’m afraid of being afraid.
What’s so irrational about that?
You sound completely rational to me! I just know people are standing around outside my windows at night waiting to look in (in spite of my dogs and the fact that we live in the boonies and it would be a really boring place to stand) and I’m certain my pickup truck is full of snakes. I won’t list my other fears because you may not have thought of those yet and I don’t want to be a bad influence. . .Excellent post!
Maybe you should get some angry dogs and firepower in advance!
I try not to be afraid of most things. Most things aren’t scary. I am afraid of the crazy, though — as in everything is all fine and dandy and normal and some random act of insanity hurts someone I love. I actually think I’m OK with something hurting me, because I know what’s going on with me, but I can’t control what’s going on with other people. Annnnd now I sound like the crazy…
You totally hit the nail on the head. I prefer the “worry it so it won’t happen approach.” Ultimately, yes, it boils down to maintaining some semblance of control. Nicely written.
I am so with you! I always worry about things, hoping that will make them stay away. Is this s female thing? I don’t know any men that do this.
Oh man, I’d be freaking out, too, if they had all actually happened in my vicinity. The sinkhole in particular would have me pretty freaked.
Loved the line “the slithering wild where it ought not be” and the very last line. And as someone who has gone through this process of examining fears (who hasn’t?) you characterized it well.
I hear you on the “afraid of not being in control” thing! Kids are a killer for that…..
It really all comes down to control. I firmly maintain that I don’t have a bat phobia because I actually had bats in my house. Ahhhhhhh! Dusk is a dicey time for me. Ellen
I think it’s all about control too. Predictability is very reassuring. Flying from point A to point B while barely hearing a crappy movie on your dig-e-player? Reassuring. Standing in your kitchen making oatmeal then eating the oatmeal? Reassuring. Flying from point A directly into someone’s kitchen while they’re making oatmeal? Scary as hell.
I’m afraid when my freezer runs out of ice cream. I figured butterschotchsundae would appreciate that.
Nicole you joined the grid! Welcome to Yeah Write! I have so many fears it isn’t right. I make my daughter count the rows to the closest exit on the plane, in case we crash and there is so much smoke we can’t see the emergency floor lights they claim will come on. In theatres, I like to sit nearest the exit sign, even if I have the crappiest view. I never stand too close to the corner of an intersection, lest a car come flying out of control. Etc.
It’s so funny all the things we are paranoid about and then almost no one is afraid to get in a car and drive, which is actually one of the more dangerous things we do everyday! I worry about that since my oldest will start driving this winter. Got any Valium?
“I’m afraid of chaos. I’m afraid of not being in control. I’m afraid of being afraid.” And here I thought I was the only one! A perfect description of fear and control. Excellent post!
I’m right there with you on everything you said! I’m afraid of the windows at night too. I really enjoyed this and I loved the way you wrapped it up.
Thanks for the kind comments, everyone!
Oh boy, I feel like I could have written this post! Not to say I could have actually written this post… just trying to say that I can relate. I love how you tied it together at the end. Very insightful. Beautifully done. (And, no, not irrational at all.)
You should also know I liked this post so much I linked to it on my blog. If you happen to stop by and check it’s under ‘Worth a Read’ in the bottom right. Thanks!
Well said! Enjoyed your wording at the end – it truly is about being afraid of losing control of the chaos we try so hard to organize.
Oh I am familiar with irrational fears I am afraid.
But, here is one of my biggest fears I had, as I became a mom. I feared to become the mom of a child with special needs. Really feared it. Then my second daughter was born with Down syndrome and I was living my nightmare. I feared something I knew nothing about, I was so ignorant. She has been one of the greatest joys I have ever experienced and I am thankful for her every chromosome every single day.
I swear to god my cure for staving off chaos is to make the bed in the morning. How pathetic is that? “nothing bad will happen if I just straighten this corner…”
I figure if I can impose order on my one small space, then it’s just a tiny bit easier to handle all the impossible wildness out in the world.