I tried to use my Google fu to find out when and where this “30 days of truth” thing originated, but the eye-twitching, nauseous-making headache that’s taken up residence in my skull has stolen away all of my skills. Anyway, whomever came up with it was not messing around. Today we’re getting straight into Unpleasant Stuff territory with the very first prompt. Which is:

But I’m not going to answer it. Not quite as it’s written, anyway. I struggle with self-image, and I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. One of the tactics I’m using is to try to stop when I’m thinking unkind thoughts about myself and ask, “Would you say that about a friend?” I can’t think of a time when the answer has been, “Why yes, I would.” The point is: I believe that some words carry a lot of power, and “hate” is one of them. It’s a really negative word and an extremely negative emotion, and it isn’t a term that I’d use in describing someone I love. So let’s try to make this a little more positive and talk about something about myself that I’d like to improve, shall we?

I’d like to be a person with a steel will. I wish I could say “This is how things are going to be” and then make it so. Instead, I decide to lose weight and do really well with it for a week or so. And then there’s cake and cheese and cheesecake and such, and all that resolve goes out the window. I decide we’re going to ban eating in the living room, and for a few days the couch is free of crumbs. And then I get a headache and the kids are extra whiney and there they are, leaving a trail of crackers from here to eternity again. I decide enough’s enough, we’re going to cancel the TV and the internet and eat on $55 a week until all of our debts paid off. And then sports and new shows and email and mmm food, and there goes that plan, too.

I’m not sure whether this all boils down to laziness or being too easily overwhelmed or a short attention span or what, but it’s not my favorite character trait. I could give you a rather long list of other things I don’t like, but remember what I said up there about trying to be nicer to myself? That probably means I shouldn’t dwell on that sort of thing.